Sunday, July 10, 2011
Should i end my marriage? i feel like im wasting my life and things are just getting worse.?
I've been married for a year and a half. I am 26 and my husband is 40. After dating for 6 months, I got pregnant with our first child. My husband never had children with his 1st or 2nd wives. Yes, I am number 3 for him. A few weeks after finding out about baby, he asks me to marry him WHILE DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY. Then he drives me to the mall to pick out a ring. I said yes of course, but was so disappointedthat it wwasn'tspecial. I know he was married twice, and probably made it special for them, but i had never been married and ddidn'tthink it would happen like that. When we did marry, he had only been divorced for 6 months. We had our baby a month after marrying. He decides to send his ex wife a picture of MY baby. wtf? i ddidn'tknow instead of sharing those moments with our partner, we should include our exs as well. He deletes his call history, internet history, and text history everyday except when i text or call. He leaves those in his phone. He says it slows his phone down. bullshit. So i was doing bills and noticed he was talking to someone while he was at work for over an hour. I called the number, and it was his ex wife. If I call him at work, he is always so busy and cant talk. That felt like a knife to the chest. he said she called just to tell him all the problems in her life. She started texting me and said he had cheated on her so hes doing it to me as well. We have sex maybe once a week. It used to be every other day. And its because he likes to look at porn and masturbate AT WORK. The only reason I know this is because there were lots of big spots in his underwear. And I wwasn'tlooking for it, I just noticed it when i was doing laundry. The first thing I asked was did he have an infection. Answer was no, so I asked him what it was and he told me. So when we quit having sex so much, I started paying more attention to it. And its like everyday. He would rather get pleasure from that than from me. Sex is just as steamy as it used to be, just less of it. I have told him I want him to quit doing that so much so he has some sex drive left for me when he gets home, but nothing has changed. He just seems so secretive all the time. We dont talk about his job, or anything else when he gets home. I feel very disconnected from him and ive even told him that by suggesting we have qqualitytime alone without the kids. We now have 2 babies and have been married for a year and a half. I really feel he only married me bbecausei was pregnant. I was planning our little wedding ceremony because we were broke and i was 8 months pregnant. I would ask him qquestionsabout it and he would tell me "I ddon'tcare what yu do. Ive already done this twice." Ouch. So, Im suppose to trash my dreams because he has already lived his. I cry everyday because I feel so out of touch with him and i feel like im begging for attention. For my first mothers day, he bought me a pretty diamond ring and got me an expensive purse that i had wanted for months. I just gave birth to our son 2 weeks before mothers day. This year, he went to walmart the night before and got me a 15 dollar ring that is so hideous and he buys our daughter a 40 dollar toy.When he gave me the ring, he aapologized for being so broke and i understood until i saw the receipt. I would have been happy with flowers if he would have been listening. but he doesn'tseem to be interested about anything that comes out of my mouth. I keep asking myself, what else could he do to make me feel so shitty? RIGHT AFTER giving birth, i expected mothers day to be a little special. He didn'teven get up with the baby the night before or plan anything nice. Nothing. and how am i suppose to trust him and have faith in our marriage when hes so secretive and makes me feel so insignificant to him? i am ready for happiness but don'twant to make the wrong decision. My babies don'tdeserve to be from a broken home. I never wanted to sign divorce papers and i told him that when we were engaged. I wanted a healthy marriage and happy kids. But he is totally not the person i thought i married. most of our memories seem so painful and i try to look past it to make things better but its so hard. Im so tired of being so sad everyday. My kids need a happy mom and they dont have one. please help me.
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